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The thing that annoys
me is that they were so high-handed about it. No "Thank you for your
application", no "if you were to reapply in six months' time"
- oh, hang about, I haven't told you what's getting at me. The Lottery Grants
Board, that's what. I read in this very paper that just the other day they
gave the lady who founded the End Ritual Abuse society $1300 so she could put
out a newsletter. Now when I read that I
began to retrieve memories that I had long buried. Because I was ritually
abused as a child. I was small and cowardly, and if there is one thing that a
playground bully likes more than a large cowardly victim it is a small
cowardly victim. So I was regularly and ritually chased around the
playground, as fast as my little legs would carry me, and when they caught
me, the rest of the ritual consisted of someone sitting on my head and
calling me "Grunty" until I burst into tears or the bell rang for
the end of playtime. As for the satanic
aspect of this ritual, let me tell you that having your head regularly sat on
is a devilish experience To be sure, there were no sacrifices of babies or
animals, and nothing was eaten apart from my own pride. But it was abuse all
right, and as I began to retrieve memories of it, I came to see how it was
responsible for everything that has gone wrong in my life: continually
changing careers, managing my money badly, losing cases, having television
series cancelled, missing aeroplanes and putting on weight All this could be
traced back to the ritual abuse I had suffered. So I decided to empower
myself, by founding the Compensate A. K. Grant for Ritual Abuse Now! Society.
But despite the society's title I wasn't just thinking of myself. I had no
doubt that there were others whose lives had been affected as mine had been.
How to network with them and draw ourselves to the attention of an
indifferent society? Having had a fair bit
to do with magazines over the years I decided that a large, high-profile,
glossy magazine was the way to go. And because this was such a good idea I
decided I would call my magazine "Good Idea". So armed with my good
idea, and some costings which suggested that we could get the thing off the
ground for about $150,000, which would be more than recovered when the first
issue of 25,000 copies sold out at $10 a copy, I wrote off to the Lottery
Grants Board. And heard not a squeak
from them. Not a dicky bird. Eventually I rang up to find out what had
happened to my letter, and some woman with a voice that could freeze brake
fluid told me that it was not the board's policy to reply to hoax letters Hoax letters! I and
thousands like me spend our whole lives in misery because of ritual abuse,
and when we utter a cry for help we are treated as hoaxers! Well, that's the
last time I buy a Lotto ticket. I’ve been loyal to them since they started
and have never won a cent. From now on my weekly $5 Lucky Dip money will be
spent at the Casino. I wonder whether they would be interested in bankrolling
my magazine? It would certainly be good for their image. |
