The |
|
Hokum Locum: Thank
you for talking to us Julian. How have you been over the last few years? Julian: I've
certainly missed Peter. It must have been hell for him in prison and I'm
really sorry for his co-workers. You know, he was a really gifted childcare
worker. The kids loved him. Hokum Locum: I
know. So you were living in Peter's house. Where? In a tunnel? Julian: Can
you see me in a tunnel? No, I was in the laundry chute. With a neck like mine
it was the only option. Hokum Locum: But
how come nobody found you? The police searched the house on numerous
occasions. Julian: was always covered in dirty laundry,
something the police are used to, so they always overlooked me. I think they
were looking for paedophiles, or werewolves. Hokum Locum: Weren't
you lonely? Julian: Oh
no. Peter and I used to have some wonderful talks, and there were other pets
for company-a cat and a frog. Hokum Locum: Ah,
that must be some of the children, you know, that Peter changed into small
animals. Julian: You
must be joking-nobody would believe that would they? Would ihoy! Hokum Locum: I'm
afraid so. I think that particular allegation ended up as a charge of
unlawful transmogrification on an unknown child in an unknown location. Julian: Bloody
hell! Did they list me as an accomplice? Hokum Locum: No,
you're lucky. The interviewers, police and jury obviously found that a
giraffe could not have been involved. No need at all for you to have been in
hiding all of these years. Hokum Locum: How's
your health? Julian: Not
good. I've been having nightmares, wetting the bed, talking in my sleep and
I've developed an allergy to hay. Hokum Locum: I'm
sorry to hear that. I hope you've been to a vet. Julian: Yes.
She told me that all of my symptoms were consistent with sexual abuse in my
early life. In fact, she said that any behaviour of a giraffe could be
consistent with sexual abuse. Hokum Locum: Still,
you could have put in a claim for ACC compensation. Lots of parents took the
money even when they knew perfectly well that their children hadn't been
abused. Julian: I
have scruples. Hokum Locum: I'm
sorry to hear that - I hope the vet has something for it... Julian: No,
you idiot! I mean I have a conscience. Hokum Locum: Just
kidding. I heard a rumour that you were writing a book about your involvement
in the Civic Creche Case. Julian: Yes,
I was disappointed I only rated a brief mention in Hood's book. Even so, I
think I was being confused with my cousin Gerald who works for the Life
Education trust, Hokum Locum: How's
the book coming along? Julian: Good
thanks. I've always been a fan of the Jungle Books so I called it the
Bandarlog. I'm going to blow this case wide open; that is, if I can persuade
Val Sim and Mr Goff to read it. Hokum Locum: Make
it a comic book then. We all look forward to reading it. Thanks again for
talking to us. Julian: Thank
you |