|
From the Prime Minister, Mark received in reply a standard letter thanking
him for his views on the Picot Report.
Mark laughs ruefully at this bureaucratic bungle. The depths
of official indifference to his plight no longer shocks.
Apart from a letter of acknowledgement, he has heard nothing from Dr Cullen.
Like every other politician he has approached over the past ten months, Mark
expects the big brush-off.
Mark has a problem. Like 17 other men loosely affiliated with Christchurch’s Parents
Against Injustice (PAIN), he sees himself caught in a web of disbelief with
no hope of escape.
It is simple and compelling: Children rarely, if ever, lie about sexual
abuse. Men who sexually abuse children commonly deny the abuse took place or that
they have a problem. Some abusers are pathological liars who will never
accept blame or guilt.
For generations society has refused to believe children and thereby failed to
protect them from numerous forms of abuse — including sexual abuse.
Now children are being believed and their right to a safe environment placed
above a family's right to stay intact.
For men like Mark, these facts add up to one thing:
“I am guilty. In everyone's eyes I am guilty. Guilty until proven innocent.
“But how do I prove my innocence?"
He has a point. As one Christchurch
psychologist puts, it: "Unless there is incontrovertible medical
evidence, we have no firm criteria for convicting somebody of sexual abuse.
Equally we have no way of establishing someone's innocence."
Mark says he has discovered that in the area of chid sexual abuse, courts are
irrelevant to establishing guilt.
To this day he has not been charged or convicted of any crime and yet access
to his two daughters has been totally barred since March this year.
The ordeal began in late January, a year after he and his wife had separated
for the second time. Over the preceding 12 months he had routine weekly
access to his 4-year-old daughter, Frances. His youngest daughter was 2
months old at the time of the separation.
Everything was fine until the end of January, early February. Frances
became very emotional and didn’t want to come with me. She would cry and
become distressed.
At first we just thought it was a kiddie thing. Just a phase she was going
through. Once she was in the car, and five minutes down the road she would
come right and we'd have
a grand weekend together."
By this time both Mark and his wife were in new relationships. Mark’s friend,
Joy, suggested they arrange counselling for Frances.
"It seemed like a good idea and a way of finding out exactly what the
problem was with my daughter."
Mark raised the idea with his wife who agreed, and counselling was arranged
through the Family Court.
Four weeks later Mark was asked to meet the therapist at Frances' kindergarten.
"I found Frances
sitting all curled up on the therapist's lap. After five minutes or so, Frances
started walking around painting pictures for me. Everything seemed to be
OK."
The therapist asked Mark to stop seeing Frances while .the problem was
sorted out. He agreed.
Two weeks later, came a phone call from the therapist: "She rang to tell
me that I had been indecently assaulting my daughter."
Next came a letter from his wife's solicitor
informing him that as a result of the accusations his wife was applying for
custody of the children and his access was to be stopped.
Apart from the brief meeting at kindergarten, Mark has not seen either of his
daughters since February 18. It may take until well after Christmas before
his case comes before the Family Court.
During the first few weeks, Mark said be felt reasonably optimistic: "I
knew I had done nothing and just assumed that the truth would come out
eventually as the counselling progressed."
He was wrong. What came out was a series of explicit allegations of sexual
assault involving wet kissing, oral sex and touching and kissing of the
vagina.
In early April, a police officer arrived on his doorstep. Mark was taken into
central police station and interrogated for more than three hours.
"It wasn't a question of whether I had done it. It was a question of
when I would admit it.
"He told me what a pervert I was and the sort of names they had for men
like me.
"I was shown excerpts from a video where Frances was being interviewed. It
was "what did Mark do next... and what else did Mark do?"
In spite of the video and the threat of arrest, Mark refused to admit the
offences.
"They gave me plenty of outs like asking whether my hand had ever
accidentally slipped when I was bathing her.
"I have done nothing, I told them No, didn't do it.
"I will take this as far as I can. I haven't done it, and that's
it."
Mark was not arrested, but the police warned they might arrive at his door
the next morning with a warrant. As yet they have not done so, but it is a
threat which still hangs over him.
The allegations against Mark are serious. Health professionals and social
workers began mustering the information for the reports which would be
required by the Family Court before custody issues could be resolved and the
status of the allegations determined.
Mark claims that in desperation he hired a private detective to try and find
out who might have had access to his daughter. If she had been abused and it
wasn't him, then who was it and could he still be abusing her?
As the months passed, letter writing and lobbying MPs began in earnest. No
one seemed interested.
"Nobody is prepared to help you — or even explain what's happening or
what your rights are."
Mark made an attempt to see his daughter on her fifth birthday: "The
child's solicitor said no, it wasn't possible. What right did she have to
stop me seeing my own child on her birthday?"
Mark says he does not know whether his daughter has been sexually abused or
not. He claims his wife has refused to allow Frances to be examined by a
doctor on the grounds it would not prove anything definitive and would only
add to the trauma she has suffered.
What he does know is that during extensive and lengthy therapy his daughter
has disclosed sexual abuse and named him as the abuser.
Mark is adamant that while his daughter may have been sexually abused, he is
not the abuser: "They have got the wrong answers out of her. That's all
I know. They've got the wrong answers."
He, and others like him, claim inexperienced
therapists using questionable methods have been duped into believing
accusations forged not by reality, but by malicious Mothers.
"Everything a mother or child says is taken as truth; every statement of
defence from a father pathological lies."
Mark and others affiliated with PAIN accept child abase is a reality and an
enormous problem.
They accept the rights of social welfare staff to remove a child from a
situation where it may be at risk from continuing abuse.
But they question a system which can take more than a year to determine
whether the risk is real and who is to blame: An agonising period for
innocent and guilty alike, and a period when fathers frequently are denied
all access to their children
|
September 7th, 1988
Dr Michael Cullen
Minister of Social Welfare
Parliament
Wellington
Dear Dr Cullen,
I need help and no one seems to be able to give it to me.
I am separated and have been so since January 1987.
I have two children, one 18 months and the other five years.
In March 1988 I was accused of indecently assaulting my daughter Frances,
(then four and a half), I used to have access to her
once or twice a week.
I just can't believe how the system is working against me, and perhaps for
some other innocent people like me.
Access to my children was stopped in March and I haven't been allowed to see
them since. I have been Denied access to my children, ex-communicated from
their lives, by nothing more than a solicitor's letter,
I can't get anybody in authority to investigate my side of the situation.
It has taken seven months for any "expert" to interview me
regarding this matter.
I don't know who is counselling my child, what progress has been made, or how
long this will continue for: Nobody will provide me with any information
about my children.
From my side the system is extremely biased towards the child and mother and
I stand unquestionably guilty until I can prove myself innocent, simply an
impossible task in this situation as nobody is prepared to help me.
By the time this gets to the Family Court it will be 14 months or more.
I have not done these terrible things to my child, and I am missing out so
much on their development, times that can never be replaced.
I have written letters to: the Minister of Justice, the Minister of Police,
the Commissioner of Police, Counsel for the child —
even a letter, to the Prime Minister.
I have seen my MP, Jim Gerrard.
I have done everything in my power, but as far as I can see nobody is taking
any action on my behalf.
I fear for the safety of my children, and there doesn't seem to be anything I
can do about it.
They are in grave danger of being abused, and for Frances perhaps for a second time
if nobody is going to listen to me. The real perpetrator will do it again if
this person is not caught.
I AM DESPERATE. CAN YOU HELP ME?
I am even willing to go to Wellington
to talk to someone about this if it will help.
Yours faithfully,
Mark F.
|