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I went fishing recently and ended
up with tears in my eyes. No, it wasn't a stray hook in a finger or a slip of
a blunt kitchen knife. It wasn't even the tale of the ``one that got
away" nor did I slip into the sea. I went home exhausted and cried
for the kids in my community. For most of the four hours there on this showery
Tuesday of the school holidays, I was the only dad present. There were 10 to 15 people (mostly
kids) on the wharf this day. I was taking a 13-year-old I mentor for a day
out. I'm not a keen fisherman but I know the basics, so I soon found myself
doing all the ``Dad" stuff with many of the kids present. "Could you tie this?" or
"Can you help me do that?" "Did you see that one?" ``Look
what I caught!". At one stage I was tying on a hook for one lad,
listening to tales of ``the one that got away" by another and had a tap
on the shoulder for advice by another. This was my recreation and joy for the
day. There were three women present;
huddled in a corner and talking about their respective "husband"
problems. While not invited into the adult discussion, I think I was
appreciated for keeping the kids out of their hair. I was upset, however, for what is
becoming a general trend in our communities across the country. The trend is
fatherlessness. Fatherlessness is a growing
problem in New Zealand that is sneaking up on us and beginning to cause
widespread problems. An American study (Rex McCann; On their own: Boys
growing up underfathered. Finch Publishing) shows that boys from a fatherless
home are: Five times as likely to commit
suicide; nine times as likely to drop out of school; 10 times as likely to
become dependant on illegal drugs; 14 times as likely to rape; 20 times as
likely to spend time in prison. Award finalist, Raising Boys
without Men by Peggy Drexler (Rodale Books) raises many points that will be
familiar to Nelson residents. Missing dads may well be causing:
Girls too are showing signs of an
"absent dads syndrome". Psychologist Bruce Ellis of the University
of Canterbury in Christchurch recently released a report indicating that
girls are becoming sexually active younger and are more likely to become
pregnant in their teens. If we continue to denigrate men,
continue to blame men for all that seems wrong in the world, if we continue
to alienate men from family-type community groups and pre-school teaching, if
we continue to accept rules like "no men sitting with unaccompanied children
on planes", then keep watching as our social problems rise. So, next time I take a kid
fishing, it'll be my hope to see other dads there too. If not, I'll proudly
continue the role that my dad showed me. Kevin Gill lives in Motueka and is
national coordinator of the NZ Father and Child Society, incorporated as a
trust in 1998 to advocate for fathering in New Zealand. It supports men and
fathering organisations throughout the country, makes submissions to the
Government and promotes organisations with a like agenda. He says the Nelson
area is a strong support base and some 50 organisations and individuals are
on its local contact list. NZ Father and Child Society is
funded through the Lottery Grants Board. Further information is available
from www.fatherandchild.org.nz, or Kevin can be contacted at
[email protected]. |
