|
The Southland Times
May 10, 2004
Helping rape survivors
by Kirsty MacNicol
Rape Awareness Week has helped raise the awareness
of the problem. Kirsty Macnicol spoke to those involved in exposing sexual
abuse in our community and helping victims heal.
Women's Supportline-Rape Crisis Invercargill manager Gayle Meijer has a
simple exercise for people who doubt the extent of sexual abuse in Southland.
Start reading the court notices of The Southland Times.
Every week it includes accounts of women and children who have been abused --
some by strangers, more by those they loved or trusted.
Between July 2002 and June 2003 the Invercargill centre took 209 calls on its
24-hour helpline. A further 446 calls were made to the office for information
and advice.
The centre's resident counsellor had 113 clients, and support workers clocked
up 1191 face-to-face contacts with clients, Ms Meijer said.
Deborah Coddington's Paedophile and Sex Offender Index 2004 edition lists 54
names in The Southland Times' circulation area. The index recorded only the
names of those convicted of abuse whose names were not suppressed by the
court, Ms Meijer said.
Rape Awareness Week ended on Saturday. The Invercargill Rape Crisis
collective in Invercargill set up displays around the city to raise
awareness, not only of sexual abuse but the fact there are places victims can
go for help.
"There are supports in place to off-load -- not to normalise it but to
get to an understanding," she said.
"There are so many women out there thinking they are so screwed up but
they don't understand that it's probably the long-term effects of their past
that are contributing to their low self-esteem ... and why they think about
themselves the way they do.
"Who does the blame belong to?"
Invercargill detective Steve Dalton agreed sexual abuse was a problem the
community could not afford to ignore.
"It's significant that there are four CIB staff out of a total of about
13 or 14 that are solely tasked to deal with it and physical abuse."
Often, when speaking to victims, it emerged that other family members had
been sexually abused.
Sometimes the cycle of abuse was repeated through several generations, he
said.
One of the most difficult aspects for police was false complaints, which were
more frequent than people realised, he said.
"You only have to have a couple of those incidents and it can make it
difficult when you deal with a genuine person. You try to adopt a philosophy
that you treat people as you would have them treat you ... you can't be
judgmental at any phase."
Every person who reports a crime to police is referred to Victim Support.
When a sexual abuse victim is being interviewed, police strongly recommend
they have a support person with them.
Often that role falls to a Rape Crisis volunteer.
"They provide the right type of support. That's where their skills
are," Mr Dalton said.
Invercargill-born Brenda Cheyne, now living in Wellington, has just published a book
Getting to Peace, a guide for healing from rape and abuse.
She paid for its publication herself because publishers, while morally
supportive, did not believe it would be commercially viable.
That decision staggers her when national statistics compiled by Rape Crisis
in Auckland show one in three girls, and one in six boys, will be sexually
abused by the age of 16.
Ms Cheyne has been an active member of the Rape Crisis collective for 23
years, working with survivors and trying to raise awareness.
She's seen changes in public attitudes towards sexual abuse but one constant
-- Rape Crisis centres throughout the country still scratching for the funds
and resources necessary to continue offering their vital support.
"We seem to pull out money for yacht races but when it comes to women
and invariably children ... we're still scraping the surface." Her
observations come from horrifying personal experience.
Sexually abused from the age of 14, the turning point came in 1981 when 10
men broke into her home and raped her.
"For some reason I sat there afterwards and said to myself `I was
raped'. Then I remember saying to myself `I've been raped before'."
For years she had tried to deny the earlier sexual abuse. It was a defence
mechanism many women adopted, whether consciously or sub-consciously,
especially when their abuser was known to them, she said.
Ms Cheyne reported her home invasion pack rape to police but was unable to
provide descriptions of her assailants. She found the police, stymied by the
lack of assistance to their investigation, unsympathetic to her ordeal.
She was disappointed to find, years later when called to a police station as
a support person on behalf of Rape Crisis, a similar attitude still existed.
A clearly-frustrated officer met her at the counter telling her a woman
claimed to have been gang-raped but couldn't say by how many men.
Ms Cheyne turned to him and said: "I was raped by a gang and I didn't
lie there counting them, either."
There were two stigmas attached to sexual abuse that, despite years of
education, refused to budge, Ms Cheyne said. The first was a woman who was
raped must have deserved it.
The second was that she'd get over it.
She's testament to the fact that getting over it is easier said than done.
"It took about 18 years. My turning point in my behaviour and feeling
better was about five years ago." On joining the Rape Crisis
organisation she immersed herself in helping others heal. Since beginning
work as a private counsellor in 1986 she has lodged 57 ACC claims for
long-term suffering on behalf of rape victims -- 55 for women and two for
men. Their cases formed the basis of research for her book.
Although attitudes were changing, there was still a tendency to disbelieve
rape stories, particularly when victims struggled to piece everything
together in an organised fashion, she said.
It was her experience that the passage of time, mental trauma and often
associated drugs, frequently resulted in confusion and disjointed accounts of
their ordeals.
Rather than being judged, those women needed time and support and that was
where Rape Crisis centres came into their own, she said.
Through her work, her own experience and the writing of her book, Ms Cheyne
has noted recognisable trends in the coping mechanisms of abused women.
Addictions, workaholism, eating disorders, mood swings and depression were
common.
More often than not, she found the school work of abused children went
"down the tubes" .
Disturbingly, it seemed often no-one tried to work out why.
As she helped others, she came to terms with her own experiences. After being
made redundant from a job as a community mental health worker a few years
ago, she seized the opportunity to take on part-time gardening work and
finish her book. It was professionally edited last year.
Now she is touring the country, promoting her book to Rape Crisis centres in
the hope it will reach the target audience even though it won't see the
shelves of mainstream bookshops.
"It's kind of a mission now. I've really come right and I really want to
inspire others that there's a way through it," she said.
|
